Tag Archives: love

Women and the Plight of Pain

Does society ignore women’s pain? Do women ignore their own pain? This is a conversation that  I think warrants a discussion. There is an underlying theme that women should and will experience a great amount of pain at some point. There is one organ in particular that is definitely associated with pain. And that is the vagina.

Yes, this post is going to be about the vagina. The love below, natures scared purse, lotus flower bomb,  the va-yi-nya ( broad city pun). One of the things I noticed is that vagina is kinda thought of a burden to most women. I mean it bleeds once a month, it secretes randomly, and it’s super sensitive.  There are some days when it seems like it’s 4 5  seconds from a yeast infection and always the fear of a smell. But Can I tell you, I love my vagina. It’s pretty effing amazing. Lets just start off with the obvious, it partners up with the uterus to produce a whole human being. It’s strong as AF, and that secretion is it’s ability to self clean (can we say independent woman).

But the reason I think this precious little organ gets a bad rep is because of the pain association.  I have tons of friends who experience cramping during their period. Which has been an accepted fact…periods pretty much equal cramping. Period cramps can be very very very very painful. Now the pain does range from person to person. For example some of my friends and family experience little to no cramping at all, some are bed ridden, some get dizzy and light-headed, and have even passed out (okay that last one has happened to me). However we all seem to get the same cocktail if we complain about pain ; ibuprofen and birth control, which may or may not help.

Something just doesn’t seem right. Isn’t there another answer?

I do want to bring light to this issue. Pain is your body’s way of saying something is not right and we as women should start addressing our pain. Also it needs to be address with a little more than BC and ibuprofen. We are NOT sensitive, hormonal, crazy and erratic. We’re in pain. So Ladies fight for yourself. If you don’t think it’s right, it probably isn’t;r talk to you doctors.

With that be said, I stumbled upon this podcast called Another Round (new fav) and they did an interview with Padma Lakshmi host of Top Chef and Author of a couples of books. She talks a little bit about her journey to understand why she was in pain during her period. I thoroughly enjoyed her story and her take on women’s pain.

Check it out


Genesis 3:16 To the woman He said, “I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain you will bring forth children; Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you.”
Continue reading Women and the Plight of Pain


I’ve been dating since I was 15!

One of my favorite scenes from Sex and the City is when Charlotte has a melt down and says …

You know what the GIF doesn’t do it justice here’s the whole scene

I know how Charlotte feels. My hair hurts too! Being my own “White Knight” sounds super depressing when I grew up with subliminal messages telling me he’s out there. Aka, I hate you Disney…sike I’m just kidding…but forreal though you kinda screwed me over.

I, Katiya, literally hate dating.  Plenty of fish gave me anxiety; so I deleted it, I only used tinder for thumb exercises; so I deleted it, and I still haven’t mastered the technique of looking available but not thotish on instagram; I still have a instagram (@Katiyaj). Any way, I say all this to say, I’m not quite sure how I’m supposed to find “the one”, if I don’t date. I’m not quite sure if “the one” really exist.

Growing up in a Christian household I was told to bring all of my concerns to God . So I ‘ve been talking to God about my frustrations with dating, men, love, and my ovaries. I’ve asked him several times how will I become a successful woman with a great career, a wonderful husband and beautiful kids, if I can’t find somebody who I’m compatible with.

Today I came across this video ( Thanks God).  It made me feel a lot better about myself and my current singleness and I hope it does the same for you.

Here are the main points of the video:

1. You’re a person of great worth and potential.

2. You’re a work in progress.

3. The key to becoming is beginning at the right place.

4. Having a life story IS BETTER than a love story.

5. Having a purpose fuels everything, and it will end up fueling who you marry and why.

The video is a little long but it’s worth it.

About Alex: Flawed but oh so Captivating

“There are three stages to finding friends in college: the first is desperation, the second is panic, the third is fate—when you wind up at the same table together, somehow and your real life begins…”

Such are the starter words to writer Ben’s (played by Nate Parker) first published piece. It’s a piece that led to his full time career in writing, and captured his friendship with his five closest friends from college, which include merger and acquisition lawyer Sarah (Aubrey Plaza), philosopher and resident douche bag Josh (Max Greenfield), investment banker Isaac (Max Minghella), Ben’s girlfriend Siri (Maggie Grace), and devoted loner Alex (Jason Ritter). Ben’s words were scribed ten years ago at a time where the bond between these six people was all consuming. About Alex, however, brings us into the future where the only thing that can bring these reluctant friends together is Alex’s attempted suicide. The friends, along with new addition Kate (played by Jane Levy), spend a weekend at Alex’s house trying to avoid everything from the bathroom Alex slit his wrists in, to the unanswered question of what happened to their friendship.

The trailer for About Alex boasted a review that it is The Big Chill for millennials and that influence and idea is easy to see when watching the film. Although the editing is sometimes choppy and I’m never a fan of background music that is so loud and intrusive it is basically telling the audience, “This is when you should feel sad,” there is this connection and a familiarity to the film that makes it hard to stop watching. There are so many different complexities to all of these relationships within the friend group, and if you are a fan of New Girl there is a glimpse of Schmidt somewhere in Max Greenfield’s performance, but it is the relationship between Ben and Alex, so flawlessly developed by Nate Parker and Jason Ritter, that makes this film worth watching. There is a desperation and a lost-ness between the two of them that shines in particular that gives the movie its feet.

As someone in a group of six friends who has obsessively been involved with each other for nearly a decade now, I actively search for and dismiss all movies that have to do with a group of friends who come back together and face a crisis. But About Alex is charming and warm. It’s the kind of film that you can watch again and again and relearn something about each character or scene without boredom.

About Alex is not a perfect movie. But getting the chance to see those six friends become who they were just by sitting at a dining hall table left me in both sad and happy sobs. I’m sure if you see the movie, it’ll break you just the same.

You can find About Alex on VOD and in select theaters starting August 8, 2014.

Love the existential bummer

Is love the “existential bummer”?  Have you every felt extremely content , and yet a little sad  at the same time? Or maybe looked at your partner or even your best friend and and felt a little haunted by a thought in the back of your mind: “but what about that the day that we’re not like this anymore?”

Well you’re not alone, its simply part of the human condition, as Jason Silva eloquently explains in this short but thought provoking video, about the acceptance & rejection of temporary joy.



“perhaps that’s why when we’re in love we’re also kind of sad, there’s a sadness to the ecstasy, you know beautiful things can sometimes make us a little sad and its because what they hint at is the exception, a vision of something more , a vision of a hidden door , a rabbit hole to fall through , but a temporary one . I think ultimately that is kind of the tragedy. That is why love simultaneously fills us with melancholy, that’s why sometimes I feel nostalgic over something I haven’t lost yet , because I see its transience. How does one respond to this? Do we love harder , do we squeeze tighter? Or do we embrace the Buddhist creed of no attachment? Do we pretend not to care that everything and everyone we know is going to be taken away from us?”

What do you choose?


I devoured Americanah. The novel written by the now infamous voice from Beyonce’s “Flawless,” Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche, is something that should be ingested and digested as soon as it touches your hands. It’s good for the soul.

The novel on its bookends is a story about two souls so clearly made for one another that it’s hard to imagine that anything could pull them apart. But it is in that pulling apart between countries and continents where the story really shines. Americanah is without a doubt a good love story—one that sucks you in and makes you want one of your own—but it is in the experiences that Ifemelu and Obinze have without one another that all of these truths about life spill out and fill its reader.

 Ifemelu, smart and without filter, leaves Nigeria during her junior year of college for the States. It is, of course, the plan for Obinze to meet her there in a few years when he is granted a visa. But when does life ever work out the way one plans?

While rediscovering (and recovering) who she really is, Ifemelu finds out what it is like to be a foreigner in another country, what it means to love but it not be enough, and the difficulties of being considered black in a country that is constantly denying its race problem, causing more tension and polarization than actually finding a solution. Lucky for us—Ifemelu starts a blog called “Raceteenth or Various Observations About American Blacks (Those Formerly Known as Negroes) by a Non-­American Black” clueing us in to all of her thoughts along the way.

americanah pic.jpg

Americanah as a whole seamlessly drifts back and forth between time and across continents as our lovers grow up without one another. The book says things out loud that even in 2014 I’ve never seen in print. It’s honest without any signs of filtration, just like its protagonist. It is Adiche’s unraveling of the unspoken token things of cultures that is so nourishing for the reader. She talks freely about “taboo” subjects like black girls and natural hair and what it’s like being in an interracial relationship without dipping into the cliché; everything she writes feels real and honest and actually experienced.

Besides just speaking plain truths about race and culture in America, Adiche’s characters cannot be denied their realness. They are relatable in the way that in each character, you could pinpoint someone in your own life who so perfectly fits their description.

 Americanah is a hefty book, but reading it is more than worth it, it is a necessity.

The 99 Things You Learn Being a Single Girl in Your 20s

Well not all 99, but 12 that made me say “Yessssss” out loud and have flash backs to the moments and guys that helped me learn these very lessons

8. Just because someone loves you does not mean that person understands you

9. You should always be your number one priority, no matter how often your relationship status fluctuates

10. If he’s too good to be true, ignore the truth until you can’t any longer and promise to learn better the next time

11. Don’t overlook your friends for a guy

12. A steady rotation is never a bad thing

13. However, it gets really awkward when those in the rotation meet one another

14. You will not find your soul mate via a dating app

15. However you will download and delete dating apps at least three times before realizing this

27. Cry hard about something that upset you and never cry about the same thing again

28. It’s perfectly okay to stay in on the weekends with your best friend, watch “Law & Order” and complain about how single you both are

63. Often it means more to trust someone than to love that person

99. Just because you’re single doesn’t mean no one loves you

See full elite daily article here.

19 You + Me

Anyone else ready for summer?? “19 You + Me” is what summer sounds like: flash pan romances, dancing, and sipping in the sand. This sweet little country tune is the first single from new comers to the country world Dan + Shay.

 Their career has been as fast as summer usually feels, writing their first song together in 2012 and being signed within the first year. But hearing their voices makes it easy to understand why they got picked up so fast. Dan + Shay’s sound is a nod to the Rascall Flatts or Hunter Hayes. No wonder the first song they wrote was recorded by Rascall Flatts and they’ll be opening for Hunter Hayes tour this coming summer.

I’ve become a bit obsessed with this new set of country writers like Hunter Hayes, Danielle Bradbery, and Kacey Musgraves. Their writing takes the country style, creating detailed stories in less than 3 minutes, but they’re not afraid to lean into a poppy tune.

 I admit “19 You + Me” is a little cheesy, but isn’t every love story at 19 years old?

 For your listening pleasure… Dan + Shay

And don’t miss their debut album Where It All Began out April 1!

Sex and Economics????

Welcome to 2014, where there is less dating and more ” I’m just here to have fun”. Where “side chicks” are glorified. Where strippers become wives right before your eyes and have picture perfect marriages. There has truly been a change in the dating game and I think it would be nice if someone would kindly explain what is happening. Well… someone has actually taken the time to research this phenomena

The Austin Institute for the Study of Family and Culture has an interesting perspective on how/why dating has changed over the years.  To sum up their answer in a few words… the need to make a commitment has changed because the supply and demand of sex has changed over the years.

Scenes From An Impending Marriage


Scenes From An Impending Marriage is a tiny graphic novel treat written by Adrian Tomine. What began as a wedding gift to the guests at his wedding blossomed into a hilariously real take at what it’s like to plan a wedding. Although it’s a short read, Scenes is a really intricate and loving look at a couple preparing for their big day.


It’s not the kind of wedding book that one has to read before getting married. It’s the kind of wedding book one should read just because of how funny and heart-warming it is.




Scenes From An Impending Marriage can be found on Amazon.


Tonight’s episode of Girls felt like the feel good episode that happens right before the shit hits the fan. Hannah gets her first real paycheck. Adam gets an actual acting job. And all of the girls meet up in one of New York’s most fancy hotels for a free night’s stay.

Besides warming my little hopeless romantic heart with an honest and envy-worthy bathtub scene with Hannah and Adam, the episode had a bunch of great tunes that I assume I’ll be playing over and over for the next twenty-four hours. Thought I might as well share them with you so you can also obsess.

You’re welcome.

When Hannah walks past an expensively gorgeous dress and actually goes in to buy it, she’s listening to Lily Allen’s “L8 CMMR.”

After crying in the bathroom with Hannah, Marnie comes out to sing “Roll On, John” by Bob Dylan with the traveling actor Desi.

The rolling credits song featured Miguel’s “Simple Things.”